Gotta give credit to that last post to the wonderful Onion!!
Go check em out!
Monday, July 28, 2008
Ummm finally a platform I can get with!!
WASHINGTON, DC—In the latest in a long series of ominous public pronouncements, the Department of Evil released a statement Monday demanding that all residents of the United States must die.
Dread Secretary of Evil Hammond S. Reynolds told reporters that they, too, must die.
"Yes, all must die," Dread Secretary of Evil Hammond S. Reynolds said during a press conference in Room 1228 of Washington's Robert C. Weaver Federal Building. "There shall soon come an accounting in which all will fall before the Grim Reaper as wheat in winter, as lambs under the knife. Soon all necks will feel the steely bite of our soul- thirsting axe, wielded by the unforgiving iron hand of the Department of Evil. Thus spake I, Dread Secretary Reynolds."
The dread secretary then took questions from the assembled reporters.
Although the Department of Evil has not yet announced the exact timetable for the death of all, it recommends citizens make their peace with doomed relatives and spouses immediately, as the hour of their ending draws ever nigh and will be upon them as soon as the necessary funding has been authorized by the House Appropriations Committee.
"This budget approval is merely a pitiful, niggling formality, for soon we'll be free to swarm across the land draining the life-pus out of all you quivering mortal worms," Reynolds said. "Doubt us not: Come the wintertide, you all shall die, and die you will. Sorry, I meant 'must.' Die you must!"
Originally established by an act of Congress in 1953 and granted broader powers and funding in 1986 under the second Reagan administration, the Department of Evil has been an occasional source of controversy. Its 1993 And The Streets Shall Run Red With The Blood Of The Innocent initiative was highly criticized at the time by moderates, who thought the department's agenda overly harsh.
An official from the Department of Evil described their 2007 strategic action plan at a conference in January.
In 2004, an ambitious plan to seed the clouds with blood and then rain excruciation down upon the thrice-damned didn't even make it past a Senate budget committee, which criticized the plan as poorly conceived.
And last year, the department received a stinging blow after Congress voted to allocate only one-third of the money requested to swell the ranks of its deranged, barbarous demon cavalry.
Despite those recent setbacks, a DOE spokesbeast said that the dread secretary remains confident that his department will prevail in the end.
To publicize their current mission, the Department of Evil distributed to media outlets a ring-bound portfolio titled "You Shall All Perish Screaming 2007," which provides estimates and logistics detailing how everyone will die, a line-by-line budget breakdown, and an addendum apologizing that the document was not printed in human blood. The full text is available at evil.gov.
The "All Must Die" initiative, the highest-profile program proposed by the DOE in recent memory, came under almost immediate scrutiny from politicians on both sides of the aisle.
"I don't understand why we still even have a Department of Evil," Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-OH) said. "It's a Cold War holdover, an artifact of the '50s that has outlived its usefulness. Mr. Reynolds has done as good a job as any recent dread secretary, but as afraid as I am of him, I believe his talents would be better served at Education or Agriculture."
"Once again, Mr. Reynolds wants to throw money at the everyone-dies issue—in this case, $11.43 billion," Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA) said. "This is a waste of taxpayer dollars to do work best left to the private sector. It's high time for the DOE to be absorbed into Homeland Security, where it belongs."
At the press conference, Reynolds refused to disclose his reasons for proposing that all must die.
"Question not the dread secretary, insects!" said Reynolds, rearing back his mighty head and bellowing as a powerful crescendo emanated from the department's enormous Gothic pipe organ. "First, the bandwagoners in Congress seek to derail our plans or committee them to death. Now, the mindless blood-bags who populate this teeming nation wish to know why they must perish. I will respond with the same answer we have always given: Despair, groveling vermin, and may your deaf, blind God forsake the United States of America! We're done here."
Dread Secretary of Evil Hammond S. Reynolds told reporters that they, too, must die.
"Yes, all must die," Dread Secretary of Evil Hammond S. Reynolds said during a press conference in Room 1228 of Washington's Robert C. Weaver Federal Building. "There shall soon come an accounting in which all will fall before the Grim Reaper as wheat in winter, as lambs under the knife. Soon all necks will feel the steely bite of our soul- thirsting axe, wielded by the unforgiving iron hand of the Department of Evil. Thus spake I, Dread Secretary Reynolds."
The dread secretary then took questions from the assembled reporters.
Although the Department of Evil has not yet announced the exact timetable for the death of all, it recommends citizens make their peace with doomed relatives and spouses immediately, as the hour of their ending draws ever nigh and will be upon them as soon as the necessary funding has been authorized by the House Appropriations Committee.
"This budget approval is merely a pitiful, niggling formality, for soon we'll be free to swarm across the land draining the life-pus out of all you quivering mortal worms," Reynolds said. "Doubt us not: Come the wintertide, you all shall die, and die you will. Sorry, I meant 'must.' Die you must!"
Originally established by an act of Congress in 1953 and granted broader powers and funding in 1986 under the second Reagan administration, the Department of Evil has been an occasional source of controversy. Its 1993 And The Streets Shall Run Red With The Blood Of The Innocent initiative was highly criticized at the time by moderates, who thought the department's agenda overly harsh.
An official from the Department of Evil described their 2007 strategic action plan at a conference in January.
In 2004, an ambitious plan to seed the clouds with blood and then rain excruciation down upon the thrice-damned didn't even make it past a Senate budget committee, which criticized the plan as poorly conceived.
And last year, the department received a stinging blow after Congress voted to allocate only one-third of the money requested to swell the ranks of its deranged, barbarous demon cavalry.
Despite those recent setbacks, a DOE spokesbeast said that the dread secretary remains confident that his department will prevail in the end.
To publicize their current mission, the Department of Evil distributed to media outlets a ring-bound portfolio titled "You Shall All Perish Screaming 2007," which provides estimates and logistics detailing how everyone will die, a line-by-line budget breakdown, and an addendum apologizing that the document was not printed in human blood. The full text is available at evil.gov.
The "All Must Die" initiative, the highest-profile program proposed by the DOE in recent memory, came under almost immediate scrutiny from politicians on both sides of the aisle.
"I don't understand why we still even have a Department of Evil," Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-OH) said. "It's a Cold War holdover, an artifact of the '50s that has outlived its usefulness. Mr. Reynolds has done as good a job as any recent dread secretary, but as afraid as I am of him, I believe his talents would be better served at Education or Agriculture."
"Once again, Mr. Reynolds wants to throw money at the everyone-dies issue—in this case, $11.43 billion," Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA) said. "This is a waste of taxpayer dollars to do work best left to the private sector. It's high time for the DOE to be absorbed into Homeland Security, where it belongs."
At the press conference, Reynolds refused to disclose his reasons for proposing that all must die.
"Question not the dread secretary, insects!" said Reynolds, rearing back his mighty head and bellowing as a powerful crescendo emanated from the department's enormous Gothic pipe organ. "First, the bandwagoners in Congress seek to derail our plans or committee them to death. Now, the mindless blood-bags who populate this teeming nation wish to know why they must perish. I will respond with the same answer we have always given: Despair, groveling vermin, and may your deaf, blind God forsake the United States of America! We're done here."
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Ummm Yes...Yes I am That Awesome
I cant make this stuff up people. Typed in Bruce and here is what came up! (utterly not figuratively)
Your Penis Name Is... |
 |
Long TIme No Talk (or how I stopped caring)
Hey there True Believer.
How have ya been?
Nothing changed here.
Seen any good movies lately?
Read any good books?
Well stay in touch and dont be a stranger!!
How have ya been?
Nothing changed here.
Seen any good movies lately?
Read any good books?
Well stay in touch and dont be a stranger!!
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
Via Con Diablos!
What a weekend.
Friday took Contagion, Baby Jesus and met Shadowglare at Fritz's for the start of Contagions Farewell Drinking Tour.
Even though he is gone for just a month or so still had to go out to do some damage! Happy to say we left Fritz's still in good standing (something that I guess I was not able to do at a past visit!)
Then we headed to Contagions to follow up the night. Wes, Grau and Ktreva were all in rare form and a good time was had by all.
Sat bought some time out with a friend.
Sunday saw "The Dark Knight"
Damn
This movie kicked all forms of ass. I will be doing a follow up to this post tomorrow.
So in all a good weekend and hope to see my Zombie Pron loving friend back here is no time at all!
Friday took Contagion, Baby Jesus and met Shadowglare at Fritz's for the start of Contagions Farewell Drinking Tour.
Even though he is gone for just a month or so still had to go out to do some damage! Happy to say we left Fritz's still in good standing (something that I guess I was not able to do at a past visit!)
Then we headed to Contagions to follow up the night. Wes, Grau and Ktreva were all in rare form and a good time was had by all.
Sat bought some time out with a friend.
Sunday saw "The Dark Knight"
Damn
This movie kicked all forms of ass. I will be doing a follow up to this post tomorrow.
So in all a good weekend and hope to see my Zombie Pron loving friend back here is no time at all!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
More damn shite
Went on My Crap Space today to talk to some friends tha t I needed to catch up with and look what I get!
Your account has been phished!
What can I do? Change your password. And don't use your current password ever again.
Why do I care? We've blocked your account until you change your password. This means you can't send a message, post a bulletin, send a comment or add a friend until you've changed your password.
Hmmmmm why would someone target poor old Bruce? Frackin world..out ta get me.
Your account has been phished!
What can I do? Change your password. And don't use your current password ever again.
Why do I care? We've blocked your account until you change your password. This means you can't send a message, post a bulletin, send a comment or add a friend until you've changed your password.
Hmmmmm why would someone target poor old Bruce? Frackin world..out ta get me.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Damn
Contagion leaving?
I am pissed that my Hetero Life Partner decided to tell his readers before me!
Drinkin partner
Football Comrade
Now add one mopre title...... last to know
Bon Voyage COntagion. Go infect that part of the US with your zombie fetish and enjoy the DVD I made for you.
I'll let you explain it to the wife!!
Ha!
I am pissed that my Hetero Life Partner decided to tell his readers before me!
Drinkin partner
Football Comrade
Now add one mopre title...... last to know
Bon Voyage COntagion. Go infect that part of the US with your zombie fetish and enjoy the DVD I made for you.
I'll let you explain it to the wife!!
Ha!
Monday, July 7, 2008
Pandora
I just found a new internet radio thingingy called Pandora.
Supposedly you tell it what music you like and what you dont and it creates a staion with all of that music.
It still needs a little work. Looking up 80's metal I somehow get Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.
Hmm lets ponder the name for a sec.... would you want to have your legacy being known as one of the "Funky Bunch"?
Too easy just tooo easy after a case of beer.
Supposedly you tell it what music you like and what you dont and it creates a staion with all of that music.
It still needs a little work. Looking up 80's metal I somehow get Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.
Hmm lets ponder the name for a sec.... would you want to have your legacy being known as one of the "Funky Bunch"?
Too easy just tooo easy after a case of beer.
Christ I'm Old
I went to see these posers at the Coronado theatre back in high school.
So so pretty. I just want to pet the kitty......
So so pretty. I just want to pet the kitty......
Friday, July 4, 2008
Happy 4th!
To one and all.
Dont blow off any fingers with any crackers.
And just for fun blow on others! HA!
Seriously take a moment and raise a bottle, glass, salute to the men and women that are keeping this holiday around for us to enjoy. Also those that have made this possible.
Kinda in a wierd mood. Just got paid today and I am already in the hole! HA!
Played our weekly poker game last night. In the 1st game I split 1st place with T and the 2nd game........ lets just say that I dont remember some of it.
My friend T offered to have it at her place and had some beer left over from her last party. Ummm her stock is a bit lighter today. Poor garbage man will need to salute all of those soldiers and furthered the cause. YO JOE!!
I broke a tooth on Wed. More on that later!
In keeping with Contagion on vacation, Tammi relocating and the long holiday weekend check out below to make YOUR weekend better.
Dont blow off any fingers with any crackers.
And just for fun blow on others! HA!
Seriously take a moment and raise a bottle, glass, salute to the men and women that are keeping this holiday around for us to enjoy. Also those that have made this possible.
Kinda in a wierd mood. Just got paid today and I am already in the hole! HA!
Played our weekly poker game last night. In the 1st game I split 1st place with T and the 2nd game........ lets just say that I dont remember some of it.
My friend T offered to have it at her place and had some beer left over from her last party. Ummm her stock is a bit lighter today. Poor garbage man will need to salute all of those soldiers and furthered the cause. YO JOE!!
I broke a tooth on Wed. More on that later!
In keeping with Contagion on vacation, Tammi relocating and the long holiday weekend check out below to make YOUR weekend better.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
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